Dear Sonja,

Happy Birthday, my beautiful, sweet, kind, loving baby girl. Your birthday was over a week ago, but today is the anniversary of what I like to think of as your second birth date.

On November 9th, You were born into my arms, the most beautiful creature I've ever seen. I have never witnessed such wonder as I did that day. And I never could have imagined what was about to happen.

Oh, my sweet baby, you were so sick and we didn't know it. When the doctors told us, I still couldn't believe it. How could such a perfect child be so stricken? But they were right. And I had to let go of you, give you to them, so they could save you.

We were so scared, confused, sad, angry, hopeless at times. But when we looked at you, you gave us strength. YOU were strong...how could we not be? Your courage gave us hope. Your family and friends picked us up and carried us, cradled us, loved us so that we could be stronger for you.

For days we sat with you, by your crib, held you when we could. We talked and sang to you for hours upon hours, through the days and into the nights. We laid our hands upon you so you could feel us. You were surrounded by family, friends, strangers and caregivers who sent you great amounts of love and strength for the days and weeks you were about to endure. You didn't know it then, and you might not know it now, but you are the most loved child on this earth.

On this day, one year ago, the nurses put you in my arms one last time before they took you from me for the last time. I whispered to you, "be strong," while I was crumbling inside and out. I kissed you. Then I sent you with the doctors so you could be saved.

For 6 hours we waited for you to return to us. We knew you would. There was no other option. We put your tiny little heart into the hands of the most amazing doctor in the world - at least he is to us. Your heart, the size of a robin's egg, and even more delicate was now in the hands of a man we had never met before you were born. I remember staring at those hands, surely too large for a procedure like this. We were trusting this man with your life...our lives. And he saved you. He saved us. He gave you a new life.

On this day, one year ago, a doctor we had never met gave us a second chance. And you've never looked back.

My sweet Sonja, you are the love of my life. You've left an imprint on this world that will never be erased. Your joy fills every room you visit. Your smile brings sunshine to a dark day. And your heart, your tiny little heart that was once broken, is filled with abundant love and happiness.

There is this verse in one of my favorite songs that will always remind me of my love for you:

You will always have a lucky star

That shines because of what you are

Even in the deepest dark

Because your aim is true

And if i could only have one wish

Darling, then it would be this

Love and happiness for you

Love and happiness to you always, my beautiful baby.

I am blessed...
I am blessed to have the most amazing people in my life.
I am full of laughter.
I am full of love.
I am blessed.

Dear Universe:

when did I become so lame? I mean really, I used to be fun! Energetic! Enthused! Adventurous! This weekend you gave me a chance to spend 24 uninterrupted hours with my husband, away from the kids, and all I wanted to do was sleep...and then get back to the kids! What cruel irony.


Is there a way to get my "old self" back, within the framework of my current life? Will my wild-n-crazy fun side ever come back for a visit? Lately, my version of what's "fun" is planning a 1st birthday party; going to the pumpkin patch in Denver; staying up until 10p to be able to watch Grey's and Private Practice. Friday and Saturday nights are reduced to seeing how quickly we can get to bed to catch up on rest from the week. Didn't it used to be the other way around???


Speaking of my "old self", can you do anything about the wrinkles forming around my eyes, forehead, mouth? Can you help a little with the jiggleinthemiddle that's formed after the babes? A little lift here and there wouldn't hurt - "the girls" have really taken a hit from the breastfeeding & pumping! Hey, remember when I had great boobs?

Oh, Universe, your cruel ways. Are you trying to teach me a lesson? Yes, it's all worth it. Yes, I love my family. Yes, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat to have my babies. Yes, I'd sacrifice even more to have a healthy and happy family, as I do today. And yes, I'm even starting to miss the sleepless nights holding and rocking my precious bundles back to sleep. But seriously, I'm missing all the other stuff too - like when I wasn't so lame.

Respectfully yours (I'm afraid),
Amy

A great site for really pretty computer screen backgrounds:

http://www.sketchbook-moritake.com/main.html

click on "Gallery" and scroll through the pictures. Each has an option to download. Here's the one I did:

If I had more time...

I'd (in no particular order):



1. Blog more - this is not the first on my list of priorities, but I know many of you would like more frequent updates on the girls/us. I can't believe my last post was in June! Ugh.



2. Read more - my list of "books to read" is growing and sadly I haven't been able to check any off.



3. Clean & organize - how do 4 people make such a mess? I'll have the house clean and within 30 minutes it will look like tornado alley! And with the girls growing like weeds, I'm constantly circulating the clothes!



4. Cook more. I miss cooking fun, gourmet meals. I love trying new recipes and haven't had time to experiment.



5. Play outside more - The leaves are changing. The air is crisp. I need to get out on a hike in the aspens. I love this time of year when you look up through a canopy of yellow and see smidgeons of blue sky and the sparkling light.



6. Learn to sew.



7. Make more progress on my Master's degree (though that would defeat the whole "if-I-had-more-time" thing). I'm slowly plugging away. One class at a time.



8. Write more letters to friends & relatives I haven't caught up with.



9. Make more phonecalls - see #8.



10. Learn a new crafty hobby.



11. Learn how an engine works.



12. Do a 2-week long road trip throughout Colorado. I've lived here for close to 10 years and still have so much exploring to do!



13. Go on lots more vacations. I guess that takes more $ in addition to time, but as long as I'm dreaming I'll add it to the list!



14. Read to my kids more.



15. Spend more time with my kids - in general.



16. Spend more time with my husband - in general.



17. Pay more attention to making myself up in the morning.



18. Play more Sudoku and Mahjong.



19. Practice more yoga.



20. Take more photos and make photo albums.

Tube-less!

For the first time since she was one day old, Sonja is tube-, wire-, and medication-free!!! On Friday, we had our last scheduled procedure at The Children's Hospital - Sonja's G-tube removal! It wasn't much of a "procedure" at all...more of a 10-minute clinic appointment to do something I could've done at home. Nonetheless, we made it a big deal. After all, this is a HUGE milestone.

Maybe more exciting than the procedure itself was the fact that Sonja weighed-in at over 14 lbs! My little chunky-monkey is growing faster than we could have imagined! The baby fat is everywhere!!! Her chubby little thighs are practically the size of my forearms. She has what Brian likes to call "Cafeteria-lady arms". And her cheeks look like they are constantly stuffed with marshmallows!

A couple weeks ago at the farmers' market, I couldn't resist throwing money at the gentleman selling handmade cowGIRL hats. I bought both the girls one - Anya's in pink, of course.

Oh, and my dear little Anya, who is in the throws of 3-year-old-hood. She can have me laughing and then crying in a matter of minutes...literally. The girl is capable of commanding an army while at the same time wrapping her father around her pinky finger. Her negotiation skills are extraordinary. Without a doubt she'll make a fine lawyer one day. Either that or she'll be a finalist on American Idol soon - we had a dance party in the living room the other night. She's got some impressive moves.

The summertime brings joys in and of itself. We have baby birds in the birdhouse that Anya is infatuated with. We make sure to FILL the birdfeeder (even though not totally empty) each night per chance that the baby birdies will go hungry overnight. Anya picks me flowers every day. Moving, even though they're dandelions. Sonja can now sit upright in her stroller so we've enjoyed several walks around town, the farmers' market, the park, etc. And the weather's even been kind enough to allow us some dinners and lunches out on the patio. I haven't found enough time to get out into my garden much this summer. So I've hired someone to come do some cleanup for me, which will make the view even lovelier, I'm sure (at least that's how I've justified it to Brian!).

Picture of the sunset in our backyard.

We're in big-time training mode for the Courage Classic benefitting The Children's Hospital. Our team to this point has raised almost $6,000 towards our $10,000 goal! Yay team! We've really been moved by the outpouring of support by folks. We are blessed to have such close family and friends. Here's a picture of some of us on a training ride at the top of Vail Pass in our new jerseys!

So, that's about it. Loving the kids. Loving the summer. Loving life in general.

In My 30's...

Well, tomorrow I'll officially be "in my 30's." Ugh. Let's not talk about that though. What's more interesting are these things:

• Anya turned 3 on April 18th. She is now a "big girl" and makes sure to mention so when she's going potty. "Mommy, I'm a big girl now. Shut the door all the way because I need my 'pribacy'."


• Sonja turned 1/2-year-old this past Saturday. We celebrated with a big bike ride and margaritas in Fruita. Ok, she didn't have the margarita...I did.


• Mother's Day was Sunday and I got 2 great presents - Sonja slept through the night AND she rolled over for the first time!



• We've been on 2 road trips in 2 weekends. One to Buena Vista with our friends, Ram & Jean Mikulas. The weather wasn't spectacular, but the riding & hot springs were fun. It was just really nice to get out of town. The second was to Fruita this past weekend. My folks got to join us so my mom & I got to celebrate Mother's Day together!



• We've started training and fundraising for the 2009 Courage Classic. Our team, Sonja's Soldiers, has raised over $3,000 so far! Even better, an old friend of mine from high school, Natascha Corbett, offered to and did a spectacular job at designing our team logo.
  
  

Isn't it great??? It's going on our team's jerseys. Natascha is a very talented graphic designer and artist out of Atlanta. You can see some of her work at http://www.nafadesigns.com/ and http://corbettphotos.com/gallery/8117005_MmH56/1/529194673_Q4xmv .

• Our local newspaper wrote a very nice article about our family. You can view it here: http://www.summitdaily.com/article/20090505/NEWS/905049958/1078&ParentProfile=1055

Gosh, I could write so much more, but I'll save some for later posts. Stay tuned!!!

Rice is constipating!!!

Sonja had her first taste of rice cereal yesterday. Most of it ended up on her NY Mets bib, but she sure was excited about it. She kept pulling my hands toward her and gnawing on the spoon! Having her so interested in food keeps us hopeful that someday soon she will be off the feeding tube.

Boy is she constipated though...not that she ate enough rice to make a difference. The poor thing turns purple trying to push! I know, I know. That's about the last thing you want to read about Sonja, but hey, we don't ever talk much about anything other than eating and pooping in a house with a baby, a toddler, and a huge dog!!!

I'll post the pictures and video of Sonja eating as soon as I can.

Oh, and Anya's saying "dammit" now. It's very difficult not to react to a soon-to-be 3 year-old whispering "dammit" under her breath as she's trying to open the difficult lid to her Play-Doh. I almost pee'd in my pants trying to hold in my laughter. When she looked up and found me crying, she asked "What's wrong, Mommy?" This is what makes parenting so enjoyable!

And We Ride!!!

We have set up a team for the Courage Classic 2009 bike ride!!! This 3-day ride at the end of July is a major fundraiser for The Children's Hospital in Denver, CO...the place we lived for the first month of Sonja's life. We've just assembled the team online so we're busy writing Sonja's story, posting pictures, and getting everyone individually set up. Check out http://www.couragetours.com/, click on "Ride", click on "Find a team" and type in "Copper Mountain" (our temporary team name until we pick a new one). You'll see our team fundraising goal of $10,000, be able to see each rider's individual pages, and track our progress. Our friends have been fabulous...they've really helped convince us to do this and they've agreed to support us by either riding on the team of donating individually. I think we've got five riders already signed up!!! It's thrilling to see so much continued support from everyone, and I think that this ride will be very moving. It brings thousands of riders to the rocky mountain trails, roads, and highways...many of whom have been past patients, patients' families and friends, and just plain supporters of this amazing hospital. Please, if you can, please help us reach our fundraising goals. You all know why we're doing this. You all know how incredible a place The Children's Hospital was and is for us. We are able to celebrate each day with Sonja because of the wonderful people that work there. Help us give back what we can. Stay tuned... Why We Ride Story about former patients and riders who raise money and bike 157 miles for The Children's Hospital.
© 2009 YouTube, LLC

And we RIDE!!!

We have set up a team for the Courage Classic 2009 bike ride!!! This 3-day ride at the end of July is a major fundraiser for The Children's Hospital in Denver, CO...the place we lived for the first month of Sonja's life. We've just assembled the team online so we're busy writing Sonja's story, posting pictures, and getting everyone individually set up. Check out http://www.couragetours.com/sonjasmom - that's my rider page. You can also click on Copper Mountain - Sonja's Soldiers to view our team fundraising efforts and all the team members (15 so far!). Our team goal is $10,000 and we're already above $3,000!


It's thrilling to see so much continued support from everyone, and I think that this ride will be very moving. It brings thousands of riders to the rocky mountain trails, roads, and highways...many of whom have been past patients, patients' families and friends, and just plain supporters of this amazing hospital.

Please, if you can, please help us reach our fundraising goals. You all know why we're doing this. You all know how incredible a place The Children's Hospital was and is for us. We are able to celebrate each day with Sonja because of the wonderful people that work there. Help us give back what we can.



Stay tuned...

It's March? Already?

Tomorrow is March 1. St. Patrick's Day, March Madness, warmer winter days, daylight savings. I can't believe we've already gone through January and February. Gosh, how time is flying.

Things are a little crazy in our household right now. I'm trying to start getting back to work, which has been quite a challenge as we had to let our first nanny go...just didn't work out. It's taken a while for us to find a new one, but I think we're almost there. I plan on going back to work about 3 days/week for now. I'll start with that and see how I/we all do. Right now I have no idea how we're going to work it all out, but we always seem to find a way.

Sonja is doing really well. She had an aorta-plasty back in January. The docs found a narrowing in her heart again that they decided to do the catheter procedure. So far, so good. It seems to have worked, at least in the short term. We were just at the cardiologists last week and they are really pleased with her progress. No more cardiac visits for 3 months! She's gained a ton of weight...10 lbs 8 oz! She's on the growth charts! She's starting to get those Michelin Man rolls on her arms and legs. Chipmunk cheeks. And no, she hasn't lost that hair!

Developmentally, she's about a month behind, but the therapists all say that's probably due to the fact she spent her 1st month in a hospital bed. So really, she's right on track. She's progressing the way she should be. She's doing great on her belly. She's starting to pull her knees to her chest. She puts everything she can get her hands on into her mouth. And her smile melts everyones' hearts!

And as for Anya, well what can I say. She's the light of my life. I can't believe sometimes that she's only going to be 3. She acts so much older. She has us in stitches every day. Her new loves are playing dress-up and "cooking" us breakfast and coffee. She says "I love you as high as my hands can reach!" And oh...SHE SKIS!!! Our little ski bunny. She absolutely loves it. She's Daddy's pride & joy. Her birthday is coming up on April 18th so I think we'll plan a pool party at the rec center.

Brian is doing great. He's still loving his job. It's very challenging, but in a really good, productive way. Somehow he's finding a way to get out on the mountain a couple times/week. He's also been doing a lot of skate skiing to stay in shape (I've been chasing after kids to keep my figure!)

I was able to see my folks for a couple weeks down in Tucson. It was my maiden voyage flying with Sonja and went without a hitch. It was my first big item on my "try to be normal to-do list". A few extra challenges, but it felt good to be able to do it. Sonja and I got outside for some exercise almost every day. And having dinner cooked for me every night was heaven!!!

I only have a little time today, so just wanted to post everyone on some of the particulars. I'll try to be in touch soon! Take care,

Amy